“MARRIAGE WAS INTENDED TO BLESS YOU AND MAKE YOU HAPPY… RIGHT AFTER IT KILLS YOU”
SOMEONE ONCE SAID: There are 2 forces in the universe trying to kill you: SATAN…. THROUGH EVIL / GOD ….. THROUGH MARRIAGE
When you both finally die you’ll have an awesome marriage - our selfish spirit has to die!
1. SPIRITUALITY - EXODUS 3…. Have no other Gods before me.
- HAVE TO GET THIS RIGHT
- We are born sinful w/o desire to gravitate to God. We are in opposition to God due to the Genesis 3 world
Romans 3:10 Paul says, “ There is no one righteous not even one”
Humble ourselves before Jesus and accept His free gift of salvation.
PROVERBS 3:6 … In all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight
- WOMAN AT THE WELL ….John 4
- Get lost before getting saved… admitting you need a Savior.
Question: So How do I put God first?
- Humble and submit to him
- Attend Church
- Read his word
2. DISTRACTIONS – Mark 4:19 But the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful
- anything that takes your eyes off God, marriage and family.
- Lack of balance, moderation
- Can easily create unintended idols
- Examples: work, money, friendships, shopping, hunting, hobbies, etc…
3. KIDS – GOD’S PERFECT DESIGN AND ORDER……GENESIS 2:7 Then the Lord God formed a Man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and the man became a living being. GENESIS 2:15-18 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” The Lord God said, “ It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” GENESIS 2:21-23 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man and he brought her to the man. The man said, “ This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
How do kids fit in the picture?
God’s Hierarchy: GOD, MAN –WOMAN BESIDE HIM THEN CHILDREN.
- Kids can become your idols.
4. COMMUNICATION: When communication breaks down it drives a wedge between husband and wife creating a multiplicity of problems. (research says one of the leading causes of divorce)
Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the HEAD, that is, CHRIST!!!”
Ephesian 5:22-23 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord, For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
- Difficult because 2 entities called to become 1 flesh with each having their own needs and perspectives and wills.
- We humble ourselves … John 3:30 - He must be greater, I must become less.
HOW TO COMMUNICATE IN MARRIAGE?
- OPEN –HONEST
- SELF-SACRIFICING IN LOVE
- DON’T BE DEFENSIVE
5. SEX: Seems to be an uncomfortable topic for church.
- Gift of God
- Humans are the only species who have sex for pleasure and procreation
I CORINTHIANS 7:3-5.The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
5 sex needs of Men & Women
Gary & Bob Rosberg
- Mutual satisfaction – does she enjoy it.. makes him feel like a real man
- Connection….does she give me attention
- Responsiveness from wife about sex… her +/- response
- Wife to initiate sex is an ego builder for man
- Affirmation – he needs appreciation, respect
- Affirmation – appreciated for all they do
- Connection – show he cares, attention, beautiful, sexy
- Non-sexual touch…
- Spiritual intimacy
- Romance. More than just sex. Self initiated pursuit.
As a couple, how do we find sexual agreement?
- Open communication
- Self-sacrificing - Willing to give selflessness
- Don’t leave God out - make the GIVER bigger than the GIFT.
6. MONEY: I TIMOTHY 6:10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
Judas Iscariot sold jesus for 30 pieces of Silver
Luke Chapter 12… parable of the rich fool!
So How do we handle our finances?
- tithe 10%
- Live within your means avoid the “never enough mentality
- Have a financial plan
7. SELFISHNESS - Defined: Lacking consideration for others; chiefly concerned with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. WE ARE NOT THE POINT!!! God created us to worship him. We are called to be servants. WE are not that awesome. Our life is but a mist, a vapor
a. the moment we make ourselves the point we take our eyes off Jesus and we begin to make it about US!!!
Sin is not just sin, it’s a spirit of self. Every sin can be traced back to a selfish motive, of which we justify our actions– DAVID
We need each other to fill our needs otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten married. So when we become selfish we CANNOT fulfill our spouse’s needs and is a huge contributing factor to the breakdown in marriage.
Selfishness Is brutal on a marriage…Marriage is great on Servants!
Satan is a real adversary who is seeking to steal, kill and destroy our marriages and families.
Both sides contribute to how it destroys
How can we bulletproof our marriages?
- Put God first
- Be selfless
- Communicate – Listen more, talk less
- Spend quality time together often
- Make love often